Caring adults....parents, family members and other caregivers....have the best chance of helping children grow up to be drug-free. The messages parents deliver influence children, not just for today, but throughout their lives.
Although such topics as the use of tobacco, alcohol and drugs are emotionally charged, they are a natural and necessary part of communicating process you have with your child. Clearly, the best time for such a conversation about drugs is when your child brings up the topic. As hard as this may be to believe, some children actually do this. For most parents, however, it’s not this easy and it may become your responsibility to raise the subject. You’ll want to pick a time and a place that make it possible for you and your child to be comfortable and undisturbed.
Remember that the purpose of this encounter is communication, so listen to everything your child has to say. Observe his or her nonverbal cues – they will let you know how he or she feels about having this conversation. Listening means paying special attention to what is said, both verbally and non-verbally.
Communicating with your child about drug use should not be a one-time occurrence or a one-way process. Conversations about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs are not like inoculations that can protect children for all time. Talk with your children often as they grown from preschool to adulthood.
AT WHAT AGE
SHOULD I DISCUSS
DRUG USE WITH MY CHILD?
Start with preschoolers…
Children at this
age are not drug users, but if we talk to them now, before the problem exists, we can have
an impact when they are 10, 11 and 12. The foundation for all healthy habits, from eating
nutritious foods to using proper hygiene to dressing appropriately for the weather, begins
in the preschool years.
While drug use by for children this age may not be a concern, even young children hear about drugs. Unless adults take the time to help children sort through the messages they receive, what they think they understand about drugs may be far from reality. Moreover, because children who resist early drug experimentation are generally adept at problem-solving and self-help, parents need to ensure that the foundations for these skills are laid down during the preschool years.
Preschoolers regard the adults in their life as all-powerful. Perhaps at no other time in their lives is your approval as highly prized or your teachings as well received as during these early years of unconditional devotion. Remember that both as you talk with your children and as you consider what behaviors you model about the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs.
- Ask children what they think about a tv program or story-line. Discuss how TV/storybook characters are like and unlike people they know.
- Discuss how violence and bad decisions can hurt people.
- Realize that when you use tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, you are sending a message endorsing your children's use of these substances.
- Give children honest praise for their attempts to take responsibility for their own good health.
School-aged children:
The typical school aged child is eager to be independent and grown-up. School opens up a
new world to children beyond the closeness of family. As children grow older, friends take
on heady proportions, and children seemingly live or die based on their friends’
opinions. Acceptance can be everything. The advent of reading and writing skills will also
make your child a global learner. Because peers and reading skills expand your
child’s world, messages about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs may be conflicting
with the one’s you give your child.
As you talk with school-aged children about drug use, remember that children have a hard time focusing on future consequences – the here and now is what is important to them. They do, however, understand the reason for rules and appreciate having limits in place. This applies to rules about bed times and homework and to no-use rules about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs.
- Without putting your child’s friends down, underscore your values and the importance of making decisions that are consistent with these values.
- Talk with the parents of your child’s friends to determine if they are giving their children messages that are consistent with yours.
- Let your child know what is allowable at home and school and what isn’t.
Young adolescents…
Between the ages of 10 and 15, children typically move from having good feelings about
themselves and their life at home and school to at least some feelings of insecurity,
doubt and pressure.
With the many dramatic changes taking place within them, young adolescents look to one another for support. "The group" defines what they should wear, what music they should listen to and what activities should occupy their time. It can be very threatening for parents to see the peer group’s values assuming such importance in their child’s lives. Still, children do not relinquish their powers of thought. They approach problems systematically, try to see things from different perspective, have a marked sense of right and wrong and are ready champions of justice.
When looking at drug and alcohol use, parents must recognize that young adolescents are easily swayed by what their peer group feels is appropriate. Self-doubt can also make youth vulnerable to the "quick fixes" of tobacco, drugs and alcohol. However, with expanding social consequences, young people may view the refusal to use tobacco, alcohol and other drugs as a civic responsibility. Young adolescents are also concerned about their appearance. If they believe drug and alcohol use will impair their looks and health, they are unlikely to be tempted by these practices.
LISTENING STRATEGIES
- Don’t abandon your child to the peer group, even though you may feel this is what they want.
- Base drug and alcohol messages on facts, not fears.
- Emphasize how drug use affects the things that are important to young adolescents such as sports, driving, health and appearance.
Create a climate in which your child feels comfortable. Your non-verbal cues will send messages to your child, so consider the position of your chair, the tone of your voice, eye contact and facial expressions.
Give your child an opportunity to talk. Stop talking and give your child sufficient time to complete his or her thoughts and process what has been said.
Demonstrate interest by asking appropriate questions. Questions can help you clarify your child’s thoughts and suggestions. Be sure that you are interpreting what has been said correctly.
Listen to the complete message. Listen to the total message before forming a response.
Encourage your child to talk. Use door-opening statements ("You seem distracted today…" or "Tell me what is going on…") that invite a response.
Focus on content, not delivery. Avoid being distracted by your child’s poor grammar or manners. It is what is being said that is important.
Listen for main ideas. Try to pick out the conversation’s central theme.
Deal effectively with emotionally-charged language. Be aware of words or phrases that produce anxiety and trigger emotions.
Identify areas of common experience and agreement. Note similar experiences of your own or offer a shared point of view to communicate acceptance and understanding.
Deal effectively with whatever blocks you from listening. Be aware of personal blocks that may prevent you from hearing what your child is saying.
While there is no reliable barometer that will tell you if your child is involved with drugs, you should familiarize yourself with the three generally recognized stages of drug use:
Stage One: Experimental Use
Kids get acquainted with alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs to see what they feel or taste
like.
Stage Two: Regular Use
The user wants to recapture the feeling that a drug initially produces. When used
regularly to control moods or to blunt depression, the drug becomes habit forming.
Stage Three: Dependency and Addiction
The third stage includes an overwhelming physical and/or psychological dependency on the
drug.
Reading the Signs
Being aware of changes in your child's behavior, possessions, or physical appearance is a
first step toward detecting substance abuse. Parents who have ongoing dialogues with their
children will have an advantage over parents who do not. Interaction, involvement, and
communication provide an opportunity to observe early signs and symptoms of problems, if
any exist. The challenge is to be alert to both overt and subtle signs and symptoms of
drug use.
Behavioral Symptoms
The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration has created a laundry list of instantly noticeable physical symptoms that are often reliable indictors of drug use. If you see several of these signs and symptoms, do not procrastinate or wait for concrete proof of drug use or abuse. Intervene and address the problem immediately with your child.
Physical Symptoms
If you suspect that your child is using drugs, raise the subject and attempt to talk about it. If your child is unwilling to talk to you, seek outside help from a counseling center or another third party. If you know that your child is using drugs, you need to provide treatment, support, and encouragement to stop.
ASAP
818 South Federal Rm 600
Riverton, Wyoming 82501
307-856-9596
E-mail fcasap@wyoming.com